Raising Boys in a Toxic Online World
There’s only one way to be a man… and that’s to be dominating.
Oh, and a man has a right to a woman’s body.
*He* knows what she wants better than she does.
In fact, according to HSSTikkyTokky, “most women are thick”.
And apparently, the world is against men. Their individual difficulties are not their fault. It’s the system. It’s feminism. It’s the blue pill that we’ve all taken when we really needed the red pill. It’s absolutely everything that is outside of their control.
And… men are worthless until they build their value – which means cash, clout, and conquest.
Louis Theroux and the new Netflix doco, “Inside the Manosphere” is all anyone wants to talk with me about right now. In this 90-minute investigation, Theroux gets up close to some big players in the manosphere influencer world.
And it is So. Deeply. Depressing.
Theroux shows these guys at their glossy best and at their crass, commercialised, shallow worst. The stunning hypocrisy, breathtaking double-standards, and shallow selfishness leave you with a clear message: the extremes of the manosphere are a morality-free zone.
A couple of examples (though there were dozens more I could have shared):
A man (H.S.) points at a woman on camera and says: this is the cleaner. The dishwasher.
Another man – Myron Gaines, author of Why Women Deserve Less – explains that he is the dictator, the woman is subordinate. That he knows what women want better than they do. That “I determine when I put my d*** in you.” That he can talk down to a woman because dominance is what she really desires.
What he’s describing isn’t strength. A man who needs to diminish someone to feel powerful isn’t strong. He’s fragile.
Real strength leaves people feeling safer and stronger. These guys leave others feeling smaller.
They don’t love women. They don’t even see women. They see utilities.
These guys say – and do – the most atrocious things. Sneako says that a woman should be hit hard, hit once, and then sent back into the kitchen.
And millions of men and boys pile on the praise.
These ‘influencers’ are grown men. Adults. They’re people who should know better.
Kids watch this stuff. Our boys are seeing it. Liking it. Commenting on it. Sharing it. Laughing about it on the bus. And even if they’re not buying it, they’re increasingly believing that others are.
The men who produce this content were asked about the boys consuming it — the response was: “That’s the parents’ fault.”
Not my problem. Not my responsibility.
If Theroux tells us anything, it’s that the manosphere is big business. Algorithmic extremity converts to cash. The more grotesque the content, the more it spreads, the more it earns.
In the manosphere, you’re either one-up or one-down. Alpha or beta. And these guys are preying on what I’ll call “non-thriving men” and boys who are missing meaning and purpose – who haven’t sorted out their values yet.
I think every single person raising kids – boys or girls – should watch it and talk to your kids about it. (Note – content is MA. Lots of very coarse language and discussions about strong sexual themes so you may prefer to watch it without your kids.)
My criticism: the documentary shows you a portion of the manosphere (though I’d still argue Theroux doesn’t get into the worst of it via the chatboards and other platforms). And it doesn’t make you feel the damage. Theroux’s gentle style, which usually works beautifully, isn’t quite equal to the material.
Where are the women’s voices? Why does he only talk to sycophants of the influencers? Where is the discussion around what it does to boys who marinate in it.
Because they are marinating in it. By the billions of views.
The antidote isn’t more outrage – that just leads to defensiveness. We need a better model of what masculinity can look like. Forgive the book mention. But That’s what Boys (my new book, out in June)is about. And it’s worth plugging it – because we need the guidance that I’m sharing in the book. Healthy men help the people around them feel – and be – safer and stronger. That requires strength. But it also requires character. And right now, these men are feeding our boys poison and calling it power.
Theroux asked one of these men, Why not try to be a good person?
The answer: “If I’d just done good things I’d never have blown up on social media… I’m living for myself.”
Status. Selfishness. Clout. Cash.
And that, right there, is what this is all about.
What did you think when you watched it? What stood out to you?
I watched this with my 20 year old son yesterday. He doesn’t engage with any of these content creators, but says sometimes they come up on his feed. He said there were no real surprises, but for some of the creators that he would not have deemed as bad” as the others, he was still shocked at some of the things that came out of their mouths.
I likened this “epidemic” to what the beauty and diet India’s been doing for years to women but on a far more extreme level… tapping into insecurities and offering a quick solution for gain of a few. Sad times.